You Can’t Fight DNA

Who are you? They say a diagnosis doesn’t define you, but what about when its in your DNA? I’m having mixed feelings about my new diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder. Mostly confusion (which is a symptom, haha!) but also sadness. It was actually pretty validating, because I consider myself intelligent and I know myself pretty well so I already had my suspicions that something was different with me. I knew depression well so I knew I was experiencing something different. However, I am sad that there’s something wrong with me and there’s no cure. That I will live with this forever, though it is treatable. For those that don’t know, prescribing antidepressants and antipsychotic medicines is a guessing game. I have been on medications that made me worse, and some that had no effect at all. So, trying to treat mental illness can be really tough. I’m hoping the medications I’m on and the dosage are going to help this time, but you never know. Mental illness runs deep in my family, specifically depressive and bipolar disorders, anxiety, and also schizophrenia. So here I am with basically the love child of major depressive disorder and schizophrenia. My schizophrenic symptoms started slowly, about a year ago (in addition to my major depression symptoms I’ve had my whole life) but at the present, they’ve been pretty bad. There’s nothing like the feeling that you’re going crazy.


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