I stayed in a behavioral lockdown facility for four days and it was a sobering experience. The first unit they placed me in was completely scary. Strings were pulled and I was moved to a much better unit where everyone was like family and I even made friends. I was already ready to go at that point though. I slept without a pillow my first night at the facility. I kept getting denied the release paperwork that I asked for several times. I’ll never go back to another place like that. I went into a psychotic episode days prior to entering the facility due to a traumatic recovered memory. The memory I wasn’t sure was real, was confirmed by another family member. I never though I would be one of the people to say I was molested, let alone by my own father, whose brain can’t function because of all the alcohol. I know he doesn’t remember doing it or even if he knew what he was doing. But he was the only parent taking care of me because it was the weekend. He should have known better. I’ve noticed that he’s a trigger, he even subtly, for these episodes. It starts with feeling on edge and out of control. Then I want to hurt myself. However, I know to keep taking my meds, keep my support team in the loop, and I start psychotherapy tomorrow. I really am trying to get better.